Why Kids Need to Fail: Teaching Resilience Through Trial-and-Error Crafts

Image created with Sintra.ai

Last week, my seven-year-old carefully folded a paper airplane, ran outside with excitement, and launched it with all her might. It immediately nose-dived into the grass. "It doesn't work!" she declared, ready to give up. 

Today, she wanted to make a stuffed animal version of her favorite Sanrio character. After accidentally cutting into the ear of our template, she again wanted to quit in a frustrated huff. Ten minutes of tearful "I'm not good enough. Why can't you just do it for me?" followed.

As a mom, these moments are HARD. I admit I'm guilty of hovering, over-correcting, and preemptively helping smooth the path ahead for my child. In today's success-driven culture, it's hard not to step in to try to make our children feel successful. These anxious meltdowns prove though that when we make the path too easy or do things for our children, we rob them of one of life's most valuable lessons: that failure isn't the opposite of success—it's the stepping stone to it. Despite the many outbursts it creates, I'm actively trying to stop my over-parenting behavior and give my child more opportunities to fail. If she’s not confident enough to fail without me, she may not be confident enough to succeed either. Here’s the science behind my decision, and some of the projects I’m excited to do with my daughter to help us practice resilience together.

The Science Behind Learning from Struggle

Stanford psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck's groundbreaking research, detailed in her book "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" (2006) and summarized in this TED Talk, reveals a crucial distinction between two mindsets that shape how children approach challenges. Kids with a "fixed mindset" believe their abilities are static—they're either good at something or they're not. When they encounter difficulty, they see it as evidence of their limitations. But children with a "growth mindset" understand that abilities can be developed through effort and learning. For them, challenges become opportunities to grow stronger.

Dweck's research, published in Educational Leadership (2007), shows that children who are praised for effort rather than ability ("You worked so hard on that!" vs. "You're so smart!") are more likely to persist when faced with difficult tasks. They're also more willing to take on challenges that might result in initial failure.

But the benefits of productive struggle go even deeper. Dr. Manu Kapur at ETH Zurich has spent years studying what he calls "productive failure"—the idea that struggling with problems before receiving instruction leads to better learning outcomes. His research, published in Cognition and Instruction (2008), demonstrates that students who are allowed to grapple with challenging problems, even unsuccessfully, show greater understanding and transfer of knowledge than those who receive direct instruction from the start.

Dr. Peter Gray, a Boston College psychologist and author of "Free to Learn" (2013), takes this further. His research on self-directed learning shows that children naturally learn best through exploration, experimentation, and yes—making mistakes. When we constantly intervene to prevent failure, we interrupt this natural learning process.

Why Crafts Make Perfect "Failure" Laboratories

Unlike academic subjects, where there's often one right answer, creative projects naturally invite experimentation. When kids craft, they're constantly making decisions: How much glue? What type of paper works best? What happens if I try this instead?

Each choice leads to immediate, tangible feedback. The tower either stands or falls. The balloon rocket either zooms across the room or flutters to the ground. There's no judgment, no grades—just cause and effect in action.

This creates what educators call a "safe failure environment"—a space where kids can take risks, learn from outcomes, and try again without fear of disappointing anyone (including themselves). This is exactly the kind of productive failure that builds resilience and gives kids the confidence to try again.

Image generated with Sintra.ai

Shifting Our Language, Changing Their Mindset

The magic isn't just in letting kids experiment—it's in how we respond when things don't go as planned. Dweck's research emphasizes that our language shapes children's mindset development. Instead of rushing in to fix or offering immediate solutions, try these research-backed approaches:

Replace "That's wrong" with "That's interesting!" When their string telephone doesn't work clearly, say: "Hmm, that's interesting! I wonder what's happening with the sound. What do you think?" This language encourages curiosity rather than judgment.

Celebrate the process, not just the outcome. Following Dweck's findings on effective praise, try: "I love how you kept adjusting the angle on your paper airplane. You're really thinking like an engineer!" This reinforces the growth mindset that effort and strategy lead to improvement.

Ask curious questions. "What do you notice about the ones that worked well?" "What would happen if we tried...?" "How could we test that idea?" These questions, supported by Gray's research on natural learning, encourage children to become active problem-solvers rather than passive recipients of solutions.

GlueStick Projects That Embrace Trial and Error

As Founder of GlueStick, I have the privilege of creating or approving every project that goes into our library (at least at our current stage of growth!). Since resilience muscles are such a focus in my household right now, I’ve been making a point of finding projects that naturally require experimentation and adjustment, not just simple steps to a finished project. Here are some of my personal GlueStick favorites that turn "failure" into discovery:

Paper Airplanes: The classic trial-and-error project. Every fold matters, every throw teaches something new about aerodynamics. Perfect for experiencing Kapur's "productive failure" as kids iterate their designs. Take it one step farther by encouraging kids to try out this alternate Origami Jet Plane design.

Balloon Rockets: Will it zoom across the room or sputter out? Kids quickly learn that the tape placement, string tension, and balloon size all affect the outcome. Each "failed" launch provides immediate feedback for the next attempt.

Recycled Bottle Bowling: How much water makes the pins stable but not too heavy? What's the best rolling technique? Pure physics experimentation disguised as play, embodying Gray's principles of learning through self-directed exploration.

Inchworm Racers: Did I make my inchworm too wide? Too skinny? What happens if I blow harder or softer? Is one big blow better than lots of little ones? Each race is a mini science experiment in cause and effect.

String Telephones: Why can you hear clearly sometimes but not others? Kids naturally experiment with string tightness, cup materials, and distance to optimize their communication device.

Each of these projects invites kids to test, adjust, and test again. There's no single "right" way to make them work—just better and better iterations as kids learn from each attempt.

The Long-Term Gift of Resilience

When we let kids experience the natural cycle of try-adjust-try again through crafting, we're building what researchers call "resilience"—the ability to bounce back from setbacks and persist through challenges. The American Academy of Pediatrics emphasizes that resilience isn't something children are born with; it's developed through experiencing age-appropriate challenges and learning to cope with them.

Dweck's longitudinal studies show that children who develop a growth mindset through experiences with productive struggle become adults who aren't afraid to take on new challenges. They've learned that competence isn't about getting it right immediately—it's about being willing to keep trying, keep learning, and keep growing.

Creating Space for Beautiful Failures

This week, as you craft with your kids, try stepping back with me a little. Let them figure out why the paper airplane isn't flying straight. Resist the urge to immediately show them the "right" way to make the rocket go faster. Instead, be their cheerleader, their curious companion, and their celebration committee when they finally crack the code.

Image generated by Sintra.ai.

Join Me in Learning to Let Go

This last week smacked me in the face with a hard lesson: My daughter needs practice learning through failure, but I need just as much practice letting her fail.

Building GlueStick has been my own lesson in productive failure. We pivot when features don't work, iterate based on user feedback, and dust ourselves off when investors say no. While I'm modeling resilience in my entrepreneurial journey, I still struggle to give Greta that same space to struggle and grow in her creative projects.

That's changing now. GlueStick isn't just how I'm building a business—it's how I’m reminding myself daily to be the kind of parent my child needs me to be so she can grow into a more successful adult. Every project in our app is my commitment to stepping back, letting kids lead, and celebrating the messy, imperfect process of learning. These aren't just crafts to fill time—they're a record of my family’s practice sessions as we work on building the confidence to handle whatever comes our way.

Are you also looking for more ways to give your children safe spaces to fail? Download the GlueStick app and join me on this journey of learning to let our kids fail forward. I promise I'll be right there with you, fumbling through my own growth as a parent while we help our children discover they're capable of so much more than they know.

Because the truth is, we're all learning through trial and error—our kids and us. Let's do it together.